Merry Christms!

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Have a listen to my favorite Christmas song!



Now get off of here and celebrate the birth of Jesus!

Love. Love. Love.
Katie

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Biggest Fear...

I've come to realize one of, if not the, biggest fear in my life currently.

Being alone.

Lately, I'm scared to death of being alone...not having someone to experience the "big moments" in life with. It seems like so many big things are happening right now and I'm just to the point where I want nothing more than to share these moments with someone. Two good friends got engaged tonight, and I know some others are in the very near future. It's hard not to think of the fact that that's not happening soon for me. I feel...behind?


So frustrating. What if my biggest fear comes true?
I don't think I can handle it.

This isnt meant to be a "oh my gah...i hate being single" drama post. It's just me...and how I've felt lately. I know God created us to find our other half....but do we all? and if we don't how do we become happy without them?

Just my thoughts tonight.

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy (day before) Thanksgiving, Everyone!

I hope everyone has a marvelous Thanksgiving around the ones they love, and that you get up early enough to get all the wonderful Black Friday shopping done! :)

This year, I'm thankful for...

• My Family- They are wonderful...always putting up with me and encouraging me to be a better person. I could not have asked for a better family. I love them with all of my heart.

• My Nephew- (I know...he's family...but he deserves his own spot :) He makes me world go around and I can't believe just how much I love this sweet little boy. His smile and sweet giggle just makes my day.
  

• My Best Friend- Lizzie is the best friend a girl could ask for. Always putting up with me and always there to listen when things just aren't going right. She's more like a sister to me than a friend and I love her to death.
  

• My Job- In the last few weeks, I've realize how lucky I am to have my job. It works perfectly with my school schedule, and I absolutely love the people I work with. So many people don't like where they work or don't get along with coworkers, but I'm lucky enough to say neither of those are true.
  

• My Education- Transferring to MTSU was not the easiest thing for me, but I've come to realize I'm very thankful for it. The art and graphic design program here are wonderful and I've learned so much just the last two semesters I've been here.
  

• Kairos- This college ministry at Brentwood Baptist has been my saving grace since coming back home. Pastor Mike always shoots straight with us and you can see his passion for God's word in every word he says. It's kept me on track spiritually and given me a solid group of Christian friends I can depend on.
  

Again, Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Thank you for reading my blog and putting up with the highs and lows of me :)

Love. Love. Love.

Katie

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Beyond Words

Have you ever been so broken hearted or hurt that you were beyond even talking about it? Been so...so saddened that it was impossible to even talk to the person closest to you about it?

I'm there.

My heart hurts and I can't think of one word to be able to explain why.

I'm beyond people always saying "I'm here for you" or "Just pray about it."

What happens when you can't even think of the words to talk to God about it? When all you can do is sigh, shrugs your shoulders, cry and hope He understands.


People can be so cruel...and the worst is when you find something out then start questioning everything and everyone. I don't know how to trust. That may be my biggest weakness. I question the motives of everyone...convince myself that no one can be trusted.


I don't know what to do anymore and I'm tired of being so happy all the time.

I just need to get away. I need to know that He is listening....I mean, I know He is....but it'd be nice to have some feedback.

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Embracing the Art of Positivity

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
-James 3: 3-12


I have been challenged lately...It seems like every Kairos service or church service, God's been telling my the same thing..."Katie...Watch your tongue!". I know the typical church use of the verses above is about gossip but that's not the main part I've been convicted about...It's being positive with my words.

Let's face it, we live in a very negative world. It's very easy to be caught up in it....always being negative in situations...looking at the most horrible outcome that could come out of a situation and dwelling on it, bringing everyone down with us. There's something so wrong with that. As Christians, we need to be the hope in those situations. It's impossible to do that when you're right there beside them discussing the negative. I believe the words that come out of our mouths have enormous power. They determine how people perceive you, if people want to be around you or not, your testimony to the lost, everything.

So here's my deal....I'm going to really try to start being a positive person...just as much inside as out. I'm not going to be fake about it. There are times when "negative" things need to be discussed, but as much as possible I want to have a positive outlook. I want people to think of me as a positive person. Hold me accountable, friends.

On another note....I'm absolutely falling in love with my major. My classes are bringing me so much deeper into the art world than I've ever been. I've had a few assignments to look up certain artists and research them and their work and it's truly been so inspiring. I put up "A Starry Night" by Van Gogh just because it's always been my favorite piece of art. I know it's your typical art piece but it's so beautiful. It's official. I'm turning into an art freak. and I couldn't care less :)

*scatter brain attacks again* ITS FALL! :)
oh. my. goodness! I cannot explain to you how happy this makes me. Fall is my absolute favorite season. It's so beautiful....gorgeous changing of leaves, crisp fall air, bonfires, sweaters and sweatshirts, hot chocolate, birthday, and Thanksgiving. all lovely reasons to love fall. :)

I believe that is all for tonight, friends.
Thanks for reading.

Love. Love. Love.
Katie

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Back to School Bash...er...Crash.

Isaiah 43:1-4 (The Message version)

But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,
the One who got you started, Israel:
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you.

Read that a few time....let it soak in. Isn't it beautiful? We are so loved.

Hello there my lovely readers (Can I call you that? You've probably all abandoned me by now. I've been so behind!) I hope you are all doing well. As you can probably tell by my lack of updates, school is back in full swing. We've been in class three weeks now...and boy has it kept me busy! Heres the run down of what I'm into this semester.

• Drawing One- Love it so far. I'm not good at drawing by any means but Erin (my professor) is so patient and great at explaining and helping us become better. A normal class day consists of 3 hours behind an easel drawing away at still life, learning new techniques etc. I was nervous when I started it but love it now.
  
• Three Dimensional Design- I took 2D design last semester...now onto 3D! This class is all about creating design in a three dimensional area instead of a 2D flat space. It's a lot of hands on. I spent last week in the woodshop with 4 different types of saws, sanders and drills galore! It's definetly out of my comfort zone since I'm used to working in 2D type of design but it's a lot of fun learning to build 3D designs and working with different materials.
  
• Graphic Design Technologies- The first of many graphic design classes I'll be taking. It's fun so far...We've just been hitting on some photoshop for the most part. Some of the stuff I know, but it's a good "refresher" so to speak. My professor knows Gillette, my graphics teacher from UU and they are eerily similar.
• US History 1- This is a 3 hour, one night a week night class that just might be the death of me. If ever I have an attention disorder, it surfaces in this class. Covering 2 chapters a night is not my ideal history class but it's worth it to not have class on Fridays. (woo!)
  

...and THAT is the way the cookie crumbles, my friends. Taking 3 studio classes was probably not the best idea but I'll make it. So if I don't update as often...the above list is why. ;)

In other areas....

I'm still a "wanderer" church wise. Although, I think...THINK....I might be one step closer in finding my church. I visited the church that holds Kairos on Tuesday nights this morning and loved it. It reminded me SO much of my church in Jackson that I've missed so much. Not to mention, what's better than hearing Pastor Mike every Tuesday at Kairos? Hearing him on Sundays too! :) Needless to say I'm excited. I'll be praying about it. It's a weird place to be
in where you haven't had a true "home church" in 9 months, especially when you've been raised in the same church since you were five. but it's a learning experience, to say the least.

On another note, I had a..."friend"....I hadn't talked to in two years contact me last Friday. It was unexpected and somewhat shocking really since I expected to never hear from him again. I was sad to learn that he is not who he used to be in several ways...It breaks me heart to see someone who once used to be sold out for the lost, losing his way. What really...sucks...is that I have no way of contacting him to encourage him. He IM-ed me....and we talked...and he got off. so unless he gets back on (which he never does), I'll just have to pray. My heart breaks for him on so many levels...

Okay I'm a little behind on being the proud aunt! Here's a more recent picture of my sweet bug!
Is he not the most adorable thing you've ever seen? Goodness he is getting SO big. He'll be walking in no time!

Well I believe thats all :) I'll try to keep up with this as best I can through the semester but there's just no telling. :)

Love. Love. Love.
-Katie

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A rant. Consider yourself warned.

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence
Living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word
Spoken to me

And I ... I'm desparate for you
And I ... I'm lost without you

I've always loved this song... It's so simple yet speaks write to the center of how I feel when life gets overwhelming. Those days when I don't know how I'm going to finish the day, but somehow....only through God's strength, I make it.

It's been one of those weeks. actually. two weeks. Union starts classes tomorrow. I honestly don't know why it's been so upsetting for me this time around. In January when they started back, I was fine. I had accepted the fact that I wasn't going to be there anymore. Not this time around... I find myself overwhelmed with jealousy when I get on facebook and see all my UU friends statuses about moving back in/seeing everyone/classes starting. Not "simple" jealousy of aw. i miss it. I'm talking anger jealousy. Crying I get so worked up over it. I miss it. everything about it and I'm tired of hiding it. I miss my roommates, my friends, classes, the professors, chapels, my church there, my college ministry there, jackson, random trips to the playground in the middle of the night, friends marathons when i should be studying, always having a friend around to talk to. everything.

To be honest, God and I have been at odds the last few weeks over this. I know this isn't "His fault". It's no one's fault. It's just life. but goodness...I'm really struggling to understand why I'm here and not there. I'm tired of people saying they understand. saying "God has you here for a reason". I know that. Unless the next sentence out of your mouth is going to tell me what that reason is, please don't say that to me.

I don't mean this to be a complaining rant type of blog entry...but it's just how I'm feeling right now. This blog isn't for me to paint a pretty picture of a picture perfect life. It's my life and its far from perfect....which means a few blogs every now and again will be a big of complaining and ranting.

....I guess that song says it best. I'm desperate for Him. Right now I'm completely drained inside. I just need to get away for a while and think. My best friend Elizabeth and I are going to the lakehouse this weekend. Perfect timing.

Thanks for reading....

Love. love. love.
Katie

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